New Years Resolutions for 2011!!!!

2010 was quite an interesting year. I had a breast biopsy done, became best friends with Melissa Graziano, graduated from high school, started my first semester of college, joined a sorority, got appendicitis, and met my amazing boyfriend Law Griffith. Looking back, I would say the good things from 2010 far outweighed the bad, but I can not wait for what 2011 has in store for me. 2011 is bound to be filled with great memories and fun times. But it will also be very productive. I have several goals that I am determined to achieve by the end of this new year.

1. Become a lomographer and bring my camera with me everywhere I go, never missing an opportunity for the perfect shot and practicing my photography until I have mastered the art.
2. Bring my sketchbook with me to almost every place I go and draw or paint or do something art related any time I am bored, thus perfecting my art skills and experiencing various mediums of art.
3. Quit biting my nails because my hands are so much prettier when I don't bite them and it looks more professional.
4. Keep my room clean and organized because I am more focused and happy when my workspace is clean and I am determined to be focused this year.
5. Get all A's and B's in my classes for Spring, Summer and Fall of 2011 and bring up my GPA despite the beating it took this year due to being unfocused and appendicitis.
6. Be as healthy as possible: Take my vitamins every day, go to the gym three times a week or start running every day, get enough sleep, and eat three meals a day at least ESPECIALLY breakfast which I have never done before. No more appendicitis issues and I need to gain weight. Health and fitness are very important to contributing to a good year.

I am excited to see how 2011 turns out for me and I am determined to make sure all my resolutions come to pass. Wishing everyone a happy new year and I hope the world gets their resolutions completed by 2012 :)

Flowers :)

My grandma had been feeling sicky-poo so me and my mom went to a local U-Pick to pick her some flowers and one of my favorite subjects to photograph is flowers. This year, 2011, I am determined to step it up with my photography, and practice makes perfect.

Finals Week

Stressing, studying, think think thinking. So much stress in just two weeks. In these two weeks I prove that I have been paying attention in class and diligently reading my books. Sure, I haven't necessarily been to every class and I may have skipped a chapter or two, but now I get to catch up and show them what a genius I am. Now I get to see if those nights I chose to stay in instead of party really paid off and they will because I have high goals... except maybe in math. Today is my first final exam for my ecology lab and like always I've put studying for it last minute. I am studying for it now, but as I'm looking at the material I have a feeling that these two weeks are going to go a lot smoother than I thought and I am going to end up prouder of myself than I believed I could. I just hope this feeling is right. Now enough writing about studying and actually getting to it!

Medical Marijuana

As a child, I was always told that the reason marijuana is deemed illegal is because of the dangers it poses to my health. However, as I got older, I found out that marijuana is sometimes prescribed legally by physicians after certain kinds of medical procedures or for specific medical conditions. If marijuana is so harmful to a person’s health, why is it that doctors prescribe it for medical purposes? Are doctor’s putting their patients at risk? I decided to research what the medical uses of marijuana are, how they positively and negatively affect the patient and how effective its use medicinally is.

The first thing I looked into was the history of marijuana use in medicine. According to Sula Benet in her paper “Early Diffusion and Folk Uses of Hemp” (hemp being another name for the cannabis drug), the drug originated in Asia and Africa, working its way into Europe as a kind of “cure-all” medicine because of the properties it had on the user. It was used after pregnancies, for headaches, earaches, tranquilizer, prevent convulsions, and even fevers. For a very long time, marijuana was used only for medicinal or spiritual purposes. It was not until very recently that people began using it recreationally and the question of health risks came into play.

I felt that I needed more current information about how marijuana is used in the medical field now. On ProCon.org I found out that it is used for a variety of different diseases and medical conditions from Tourette’s , migraines and arthritis to more serious diseases like multiple sclerosis, epilepsy, Alzheimer’s and AIDS.  Basically the calming effect of the cannabis drug helps these patients by subduing some of their more severe and uncomfortable symptoms of their disease such as getting rid of migraines by releasing pressure built up from stress, behavioral problems, nervous tics, and even, surprisingly enough, balance. 

The Americans for Safe Access (ASA) states in a booklet of theirs, “Cannabinoids have been shown in animal models to measurably lessen [multiple sclerosis] symptoms and may also halt the progression of the disease. In Maria Ceballos, PhD’s article “Prevention of Alzheimer’s disease Pathology by Cannabinoids: Neuroprotection Mediated by Blockage of Microglial Activation" published in the Journal of Neuroscience in February 2005, she argues that “cannabinoids succeed in preventing the neurodegenerative process occurring in the disease." However, Helen Phillips in her 2009 article, “Medical Cannabis Is a Blunt Tool,” published in New Scientist magazine states that THC, the chemical in marijuana that has such a controversial effect on humans, creates problems between the signals from our brain to our nervous systems and other parts of our bodies affected by these diseases using prescription marijuana.

As a kid and teenager, many “effects” of marijuana were told to us about the effect of marijuana on our bodies and to our health by our parents, teachers, and the media. For example, if you smoke, then your DNA will change. If you smoke, then your grades and attitude about life will go down, or if you smoke, you will get fat. Also, if you smoke, you will become addicted. After a lot of research I found that the only one myth that I had been told was true: if you smoke, you take the risk of acquiring a respiratory infection or even developing lung cancer.  According to a survey done by Joel Simon Hochman, M.D. in his book Marijuana and Social Evolution, many college students saw an increase in their grades mostly because of their positive outlook on life after they started smoking on a regular basis. B.R. Elejalde disproves the myth that using marijuana can change your chromosomes in his article “Marijuana and Genetic Studies in Colombia: The Problem in the City and in the Country.” What did cause abnormalities in those who smoked were those that also tried more synthetic drugs like LSD. The problem there is that marijuana is sometimes seen as a “gateway drug” but it does not actually do the damage of the drugs most commonly tried after it. In fact, Elejalde proves that marijuana has no negative effects on DNA, reproductive capabilities or libido whatsoever.

Different views exist on whether the use of cannabis as a medicine is safe or not, however I feel that the arguments made against have not been very strong or well-informed. For example, in the Eagle Forum, the brochure “Facts You Need to Know About Marijuana” mentions that it has ill effects on a person’s chromosomes, reproductive organs, and lungs. On the other hand, Frank Lucido, M.D. says in his article "Implementation of the Compassionate Use Act in a Family Medical Practice” that cannabis has historically been safe and effective as far as medicine goes, that it might be a more cost-effective solution than other pharmaceutical drugs, and it might possibly have less negative side-effects.

Finally, to conclude my research, I went straight to the source of my questioning: an officer who helps out with the D.A.R.E. programs at schools. I confronted him with the research I had found regarding marijuana use, the ill effects, and positive effects. Then, I asked him whether there would honestly be any problem with using marijuana, as far as a person’s health is concerned, as long as it was not smoked, but rather taken orally. His opinion was that, although he felt that it should not be used medicinally, the health effects would be greatly decreased because the chances of developing lung cancer would diminish.

After conducting all of my research I was able to determine that marijuana is a natural drug that has been used for centuries all over the world to cure all sorts of ailments that affect humans on a regular basis. I found that studies are being conducted to see how helpful the cannabis drug can be in preventing, stopping or halting the acceleration of more serious medical conditions and that thus far, not enough studies have been made or completed. I also was able to discover that many of the effects told to us as children are not true and have been scientifically proven so.

My research has led me to think that more research should be done regarding the medicinal uses of cannabis. Perhaps those in the past were right and this natural drug is an answer to all our problems. Or maybe it just can help ease the pain and comfort those that have serious ailments. However, I do feel that it should not be handed out to just anyone who gets a headache, or at least should have some laws that come with it. Just like alcohol, marijuana does impair the user and therefore no one should drive or operate heavy machinery while under its effects. Also, if more research is done, scientists may be able to find a way to use marijuana without any harmful effects to a person’s long-term health.

Creepers

The very strangest people insist on occupying this Earth with me. I don't know if anyone else has quite as many experiences with creepers or maybe they just aren't as aware of it as I am, but at least once a day I encounter a creeper. It's like a rule for my life or something! Today I was driving to this appointment I had to go to for work and, as I was waiting in a turn lane, I caught this guy in the adjacent lane looking at me and when he realized I had caught him he pointed at me and waved and gave me some weird creep-o smile, so I could do absolutely nothing else but smile sorta kinda funny back at him and wave like I was weirded out, which I totally was! So I carefully ignored him for the rest of the time but I sneaked a peak as I was turning and the dude was on his phone, smiled at me again and pointed at me like he was talking about me or something... Very strange people out in this world. And, Creeper, if you are reading this: next time please roll down your window and say something to make me NOT think you are a creeper. OK, bye now :)

Sisterhood

It's been a while since I last wrote. Life started to catch up with me and since I can't sleep right now (damn insomnia) I guess I should tell the world about what I've learned in the past month or so. I recently joined a sorority called Phi Mu (for more info check out their website www.phimu.org) and I've been experiencing what it is like to have sisters.

To some people joining a sorority is like joining a cult. Some don't see the point since they are already a sister to someone. I joined Phi Mu because I wanted to meet and get to know a group of girls with ideals similar to mine, who will have my back when I need it and who give me something to look forward to each week and Phi Mu has not disappointed me thus far.

For the couple of weeks that I have been a member of Phi Mu Theta Gamma I have learned so much about some of these girls and gotten to be very close to a few. And I've felt accepted and wanted and sometimes even needed. Being in a sorority is more than just being a clique. It's about learning how to make your own family, because I do believe that you can make your own family.
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Being in a sorority has made me involved in ways that I never knew was possible. I am going to be dancing in a homecoming performance! And I will be participating in community service activities on campus. Its gotten me to be more social with other people. And I haven't found it hard at all to make new friends. And it has taught me to be a leader. For once in my life I ran for a position on a council. I am one of the proud historians of the pledge class of 2010! I know it isn't president or anything but it puts me out there. And I am proud of my position.

The point is there is more to being a sister than partying it up, getting good grades and making connections. In just a couple of weeks, I've made friends that I know will be for life, that help me when I am in need.

Sisterhood is about being able to be yourself with your sisters and them loving you for exactly that person that you are, no matter how wacky, nerdy, or high strung that person might be. Sisterhood is believing that your sisters can do things that they have never done before because they are willing to try and get up there when no one else was. Sisterhood is about family, trust, love and loyalty.

As a sister I can not talk about certain things because they are sacred and secret and I have made a promise and a bond to my sisters that I refuse to break, but just no this:
Being a Phi Mu, even just a provisional member, has made me the happiest I have been in a long time and I wouldn't trade my bid or my decision to rush for any other. I know I have made ht right choice and that great experiences, life lessons and family are about to come my way.

Truth, Honor, Love. Phi Mu

One of Those Days

I'm just having one of those days that makes you feel all out of sorts. You know. When you sit back and realize that today is just not your day and just maybe you should not have stepped forth. It started last night when I couldn't find clothes for my new job at a price I could afford, continued when I realized I had left my lunch box behind in class. Then this morning I didn't sleep as late as I could have because even my body is rebelling against me. And when I went to make my lunch, I had to end up taking a ham and cheese sandwhich since I couldn't find a tupperware that fit inside my tiny Snoopy tine can lunch box. I got into several nasty little snippets with my grandmother which I'm sure I'll hear about later from my mother and then it started raining after my first class when I had to get stuff from my car parked all the way at the opposite end of the Univerity of course. And as I finally get to my car... It stops raining!!! After I've already gotten soaking wet THEN the skies open up to let the sun out! The injustice of it, I'm telling you. Now when I check my e-mail, of course my math proffessor sent me an e-mail long after I had already gone to sleep for the night so I don't have what I need printed out for class and then I'm behind on my6 schedule for reading for my geography class (which has been the only highlight of my day) and that time of the month is quickly approaching. I almost slipped and died right in front of Graham Center and I wasn't even running. I have a party to go to tonight that I'm seriously reconsidering since I just may get slipped something today since it seems to be my day for horribleness. Come on world! Let's see what else you can throw at me....

When You Learn Something New

I find it interesting how, when you learn or discover something new, that has always existed or has existed for is not a new concept, it seems to follow you around and make itself as obviously there as possible. For example, in my Geography class, I recently learned the term globalization and all the little nuances that fall under that term. Now, globalization has existed for longer than I can even trace my ancestors and I know that I participate in it every day, but I never realize how much a part of my daily life and the world it was a part of until I learned about it in class. Now, it's like every day I notice something, or several things, that have to do with globalization: Facebook, the kids at my school, eating at McDonalds, buying products at WalMart. Every time I look at the tags on my clothes and toys and pens and everything that has a "Made in China" or Made in Indonesia" or wherever it was made, I'm aware of how that is globalization and all the effects that it implies. It's almost the same, except on a less serious scale, as when I was in middle school and I discovered Converse sneakers for the very first time. I'm sure everyone wore them before I learned about them. Maybe even people that were close to me. I just never seemed to notice them until my sixth grade year and then I was like "woah!" She's wearing them and he's wearing them too! What a coincidence? Not really. They were a pretty common shoe, just not for me at the time. I don't know if it's like that for everyone, but I know that every time I learn something that seems to have an impact on me or that really sticks in my head all of a sudden I see it everywhere. I see globalization in the book I read for pleasure and in the newspaper and on Facebook. I see Converse on everyone I meet and in stores, in magazines, etc. I just find it kind of amazing that the things you learn can actually open your eyes to the world. I makes me feel like maybe I just did learn something new

Doing What You Love Matters Most

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/26/education/26HUMANITIES.html?_r=1&sq=The%20Humanities%20for%20Love,%20Not%20Money&st=cse&adxnnl=1&scp=1&adxnnlx=1282914130-FVvGqAPbzl7AgpPW9Y4pUg

I just finished reading an article from the New York Times ( I know I'm one of the few weirdo 18 year olds who actually read the newspaper) and fell in love with this it! It talks about how all the statistics point to the fact that interest in degrees in the humanities and arts are growing after the recession. I've always thought it was more important to do what you love rather than what was going to make you a millionaire. I figure that if you are doing what makes you happy, everything else will just fall into place, and honestly, I've heard being a millionaire isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway. I'm so glad to see the growing trend of lawyers, doctors, and business-people who continue their education and decide to look into a field in the arts or humanities. Few people realize how important they really are, but when you think about it, our society and cultures would not be the way they are without our basic knowledge of the arts and humanities and a desire to delve more deeply into that knowledge, regardless of the kind of pay you know you will be receiving, I respect that so much. So to all my family that put down my goals of getting an art degree with a minor in art history and business, here's to you: I'm going to do what I love, I'm going to love what I do and I'm going to be so much happier than the rest of America!

First Week of College is Almost Done and Man Did It Fly By

My first week of college is soon coming to a close and I have to say that it has been one of the best experiences I have had so far. Being in college is very different from high school. It kind of reminds of being at like a workshop where I have a bunch of options as to what sessions I can attend and I attend the one that most appeals to me and then I meet up with my friends for fun stuff in between. There is an entire life to be had on campus if you want there to be. For one thing you can live on campus which would actually make things so much easier, I'm considering doing it if I get enough financial aid and scholarships next fiscal year. For another thing, you can work on campus which puts you so much closer to the action. Then there are all the events that they have there. Charity events, concerts, pep rallies, sports games, parties, socials, club meetings, etc. It's totally huge. They have places to eat there and not just a dingy cafeteria although the food there is really great too, but actual places like Jamba Juice, Chick-fil-A, Chili's, etc. If you live on campus there's really never any reason to leave. I don’t live on campus (yet) but I do plan on getting involved and, even though I already have a secure job at the airport, I'm going to see about finding a job on campus because it will be more convenient for me considering traffic, parking, schoolwork, etc. I'm already looking into joining a sorority. I thought the dues would be way out of my price range, but I found out that some of them are actually really very doable. Like Alpha Zeta Delta has dues at $350/semester and then you buy your own shirts or none of them at all if you don’t want. Me and Meli went to the Greek Barbeque yesterday and really got to know some Phi Mus and are really considering them as a possible option. Both of us! It isn't necessary for us to be in the same sorority but it would be really nice. And we already said that if it turns out Greek life isn't going to be for us for some reason or another, we'll make our own group called the Friendship Squad and live all together in Jackie's grandma's house (which is another thing we are thinking about). Apparently Jackie's grandmother is getting too old to live by herself so she may go live in Jackie' house and we can live in the grandma's house all of us together: Meli, Jackie, Sammy, and Kevin. That definitely sounds ideal. Well, anyway, I love the learning style of college; I love the freedom; I love the social scene; I love the food; I love absolutely anything there is to love about it! I even love my classes!

First Couple of Days of College

So I have officially experienced my first days of school, except for one class which is a bullshit class anyway (Freshman Experience, I know, how retarded) and I have to say that I really am loving it. I guess since you are only in the class for so long and classes aren't all day long it's easier for you to focus in class and actually feel excited about it. The two classes I'm most excited about taking are Ecology of South Florida and World Regional Geography which I already have homework for and I can tell I'm going to learn a lot. I know a lot of people look for slack classes with slack professors, but I feel that if you are actually paying for your education, you should be getting something out of it. I haven't been late to any of my classes (thank God) and I've liked all my teachers for the most part. I'm still not sure about my English teacher, but we'll see. I have a feeling she's one of those that you like sometimes and other times not so much. I haven't just been going to class either. I've been socializing with my friends I brought with me from Ferguson and even chatting it up with some I haven't ever hung out with or haven't seen in forever. And today I attended the Greek Life Barbecue and learned about some of the sororities I will be rushing and all about Rush Week and Bid Day and stuff. I really think joining a sorority is the best way for me to get involved on campus and still keep my grades up. They do a lot of community service events as well as attending games and playing some sports games themselves (intramural sports), plus events, socials, formals, mixers, etc with all of your sisters. They are really big on keeping your academics up though so I will be sure to have a study support system and maybe even have a sister who can tutor me if I'm struggling. So far, I have my ideas of which sororities I'm interested in and I can't wait till Rush Week to see if my ideas are correct.

First Day of College Anxieties and Excitements

     Monday is my very first day of college at FIU and like all new roads that we take there are certain things that can seem exciting and make us stick our heads out the window so we can see what is out there, but at the same time we make sure that we drive with our hazard lights on just in case and keep our eyes peeled for deer crossing the road.
     I think that after going to Panther Camp I am definitely more excited about going to a new place and meeting new people and starting my life. There's all these cool things to do at FIU that  didn't know about and I'm excited about rushing sororities and movie nights and Homecoming and all that stuff. Getting my textbooks today just made the whole start of school seem so real though and even though I'm excited to be starting, I'm also super nervous that things aren't going to meet my expectations or that I am going to be miserable, friendless and fail out of college.
     I know some of these fears are unfounded. Even if, on the off chance, I manage to make no friends I will always have the friends I have now so me being friendless is total BS. I guess I'm just worried that everyone in my classes will be totally chummy and I'll be the loser loner chick sitting by herself never talking, which I know isn't true because it's me and I always have to be talking to someone. Also, after going to Panther Camp, I realized that I wasn't that much of a loser and I do have some social skills even if they are minimal, and besides that, I know a lot of people going to FIU! The chances of me never seeing someone I know are very low. I'm also scared about not doing well though.
     Another unfounded fear. I'm not cocky or anything but I know that I'm book smart (although possibly not in math). How many people buy their textbooks and actually skim the first chapter of the books to see what their classes are like and how the books are set up?! And I'm totally excited about some of my classes and ready to start learning new things and researching the things that interest me. I know, I'm a weirdo. I guess the point is, that the likelihood that I will fail out of college is very low so I really have no reason to fear.
     Starting new is so hard, but I have already done it three times in my lifetime and, besides elementary school, I have been able to make each and every one of those new starts exciting, memorable and actually pretty pleasant circumstances considering. College can't be all that different. In fact, the likelihood is that it will be better. So Monday I start brand new with a positive attitude and hope for betterment, excitement and new beginnings.

Shopping: Not Just for Girls!!!

We were making plans to go to an outlet mall today and were trying to decide whether or not to take my brother because he was being so negative. He said that he hated shopping and why should he go. But then my mom said that she wasn't going to buy anything for him unless he came because she wouldn't know what he liked and all of a sudden he found himself on a 45 minute drive to the outlet mall and it quickly became apparent that Adam did not mind shopping at all.... As long as it was for him, of course. While we were scouring the racks for great deals on hot clothes for him and helping him try on his finds he was in total heaven and totally OK with spending an hour or so in just one store, but as soon as we started looking for someone besides him, like myself or my mom, all of a sudden we were taking too long in the stores, he was hungry, he was tired, his back hurt, his feet were killing him. And I realized, it's not that he has a problem with shopping, it's that he has a problem if it isn't all about him! And I realized that most men are like this. Totally OK shopping for the stuff that they want or need (Home Depot and men's clothing, Best Buy, etc.) but as soon as it's the women's turn to think about someone other than them, shopping becomes a burden that they just can't handle...

Doctor's Orders

I have a real problem with depression but am completely against taking anti-depressants. At least once a year I get severely depressed and always manage to get myself out of my depressive state. So today I sat back and thought about the way I went about de-depressing myself and I recognized a sort of routine that I go through that always gets me through those rough spots. Here are the docotr's orders:

1. Cut your hair. Sometimes all you need is a change and fresh perspective.
2. ALWAYS change out of your PJs. Staying in them all day makes you feel like your life is so pointless and unnecessary that you can stay in bed all day and do nothing and no one and nothing will notice.Start the day with fresh clothes.
3. Groom yourself every day. Brush your teeth, do your hair, put on make up, shower, etc. Remember: How you look affects how you feel.
4. Read a book for at least 20 minutes a day. Get involved in a series. It's nice to get out of your life which may seem pretty boring sometimes and become involved in one of complete fiction like Harry Potter.
5. Draw or do something artsy and creative every day.Get those creative juices flowing again. When you see something that you have created, not only will you realize that, hey, you just had something to do for a good half hour or more, but also your life will have more of a purpose because you are creating something physical.
6. Make your bed every morning. You'll feel better; more fresh and ready to start your day.
7. Write in a journal. Journals are a great way of getting all your depressive thoughts that clog up your mind released onto paper where they can stay instead of flooding your mind with sadness throughout the day. Journaling can also let yourself see how you are progressing out of your depression, get you excited about your future plans, etc.
8. Start a big project. Whether it is redoing the house, starting a garden, and art piece, writing a book, building, anything at all. Just keep busy. Make sure you have something to occupy your mind throughout the day. Focus on a goal and finishing it. Try to keep it at one large project at a time or at least on large one and a mini project. You don't want to become frustrated because you feel you can't accomplish your goal. Just KEEP BUSY.
9. Make sure your room/workspace is clean. Tidy around the house/room/workplace every day. an uncluttered desk is an uncluttered mind and a clean room is a clean mind, body and soul.

Photo from (http://thelighthascome.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/i-am-never-upset-for-the-reason-i-think/)

No medication is necessary to overcome depression. I'm proof of that. Depression is almost always purely a mental state. And like they say: Mind over matter. Get your mind to think a different way. This way works for me, it might work for you too. You'd have to experiment with different things to see what helps you.

Scavenger Hunt

The Biopsy, Graduation and What I've Been Up to So Far This Summer

It's been a while since I last updated my blog because I recently had a biopsy, graduated and then screwed up my internet because I am just that brilliant, but we got it working again and I'm ready to post all about the biopsy, graduation, the beginning of summer and all my doings.

The Biopsy
On the last week of school I was taken in to the Baptist Hospital Breast Center because the found  lump that takes up half of my breast, that they were almost positive was a fibroid, but wanted to double check because of its size and because the ultrasound was "undefined". All I know is that I was freaking out. I HATE needles. Probably more than I hate math and that's saying something. So I was freaking out even before the procedure took place. Then, besides a needle, since I'm much smaller than the average almost-eighteen-year-old, I guess they didn't give me enough numbing medication because I have a very high tolerance for medication and they did not take that into account, so as they were probing around in my boob, I was feeling absolutely every prod, poke and push. Needless to say it was not a pleasant experience and the afterward did not get any better. I had a painful itch for at least 2 days, there was throbbing pain sometimes, I apparently developed a hemotoma so my breast felt weird: all numb but still in pain (yes, I know, extremely oxymoronic) and it looked pretty raped what with all the bruising, the cut and the scratches the bandaging from the procedure had given me. All in all, very unpleasant. And then we got the call from the breast center. I don't have cancer. So we're all good :)

Graduation
Graduation day had to be one of the happiest of my entire life. I didn't really have time to hang out with any of my best friends, I barely took pictures, but I was finally free of Miami-Dade County Public School System and all of the crap that the name entails. A relief just kind of swept over my body and I was giddy, regardless of a recent biopsy. I looked great, despite the surgical procedure, I was sitting next to 2 close friends: Becky and Frank that I had known for almost all of high school. Graduated Kum Laude with a Diploma of Distinction and in the top 10%of my academy. My mom sobbed like a baby, I was sneaking photos on my phone, which, sadly I can't upload onto my computer, and it was just a great experience.

Summer
This summer I have been beyond busy. I started redesigning my room and now I'm actually doing it and we're only 2 weeks into the summer. My mom says I can be obnoxiously persistent when I want something. But I did it all the right way. I measured the whole room and then made a floor plan of what it was I basically wanted to do. Then I went furniture shopping. Priced around and found the best deals I could. I'm basically spending about $700 to redo my room completely: new furniture, painting, and decorating stuff, etc. Can't get any better than that. I've already painted and set up my new bookshelves and armoire. Today I will be putting in my new doorknob with a key (finally), taking off my closet doors which are in really foul shape and hoping that my bed comes in the mail so that I can make it and get my mattress sooner. So far this is what I have:

This is what I still have to get:

Here's basically what I'm doing with my room:

So I've been a bit busy doing that. My mom wants me to feel as comfortable as I can living at home for college so I can get the optimum college experience even though I'm not going away so this has been her graduation/birthday present to me.

The past makes you who you are, whether you want to believe it or not. Those little life experiences teach you what you need to know to become who you are to this day. They shape your new morals, your feelings toward people, your attitude on life even. You can't just delete a part of your life. It doesn't work that way. If not we'd all be innocent, naiive and absolutely nothing. No history, story, no feelings or thoughts. But don't worry, the people that believe they can actually do that, are in for a rude awakening because by "erasing" a part of your life, you are just lying to yourself. And lying to yourself hurts so much more than when the people you care about lie to you. They will come around. Maybe not in time to fix things with you, but at least you can be sure that the person you cared about is not stuck in a bad place for the rest of their life. And you can only hope that they don't lend up regretting the things that they say.

Confessions of a Compulsive Liar

Sometimes it's like
I don't even know myself.
The lies and the truth
Get so entangled
I don't know what's fact or fiction anymore.
And sometimes I know when I lie
But I'm conflicted.
Is it better to protect the ones you love
Or have them protect you?
Who am I anyway?
I'm not even sure anymore.
How much of the life I remember
Is true?
And how much of it did I make myself believe?
Is my life real or created
In my own head?
Fabricated by lies
And deceit
In order to gain...
Acceptance?
Love?
Attention?
Look where that's gotten me.
So go the ramblings
Of a compulsive liar
On the fritz

My letter to future graduating classes

*Picture found on wordpress*

Dear Graduating Class,

Senior year has come at last and I'm sure you are expecting it to be all fun and games and, for the most part, you are right. My senior year was the funnest year in high school. Expect the best and make the most of it. What people don't always remember is that senior year can be very VERY stressful. What with all those college applications, FAFSA, keeping your grades up while dealing woth senioritis and AP tests, senior year can seem overwhelming at times. Just remember,when you start freaking out, to calm down, take a deep breath and remember you're almost there! Everything will work out. Don't woory. Don't stress it. Time flies and, for some reason, everything that seemed to be such a problem in the middle of the year fixes itself in the last three weeks of school. These really are some of the best years of you life: when you are young, good looking, active and full of fun. You will remember them for the rest of your life whether you believe that yet or not. So have a blast and good luck with all your college preperations. Congrats on making it so far!

Love Always,

Danielle Fox

Changes

So I finally cut my hair short. I'd been thinking about it for a while but something always kept me from doing it: people telling me it wouldn't look good, my aunt discouraged me, my ex-boyfriend didn't like short hair, my hairdresser not wanting to cut it so short because of sentimental reasons, but I finally got the courage to say "Fuck the world, I'm doing what I want with my own hair." I'll post some pictures of it sometime in the near future but, for those of you who don't know me, my hair was really long, down almost to my butt and it is brownish sometimes reddish and very wavy. I call them mermaid waves because its almost like my hair has been crimped but in large waves. It doesn't look bad, but I wasn't too fond of it. Now I cut my hair to right at my shoulders and my shortest layers are above the shoulder. The top of my hair is much straighter then the bottom but if I blow-dry my hair then i get this sort of flippy thing going on that really reminds me of the movie Hairspray. I think it looks cute. Supposedly it makes me look taller, but the most important thing is that it is totally different. I've been way over due for a change and I wanted to start my changes before summer so that way I could have a totally new life by summer. It starts with the hair. Next is going to be my room. I'm going to clean it and then redo it, maybe even paint it. I think that I want to change it into a kind of dorm room style room with a studio for my artwork and photography. I was thinking of doing a loft bed with a desk and bookcase underneath. I'm going to get a new bureau and desk and bed, curtains, and maybe an extra bookcase and an easel?? I'm thinking about color schemes now and I think I want my furniture to be dark colored with yellow and white accents. This summer I will also be starting a garden and redoing my closet and maybe even redoing my wardrobe and changing my style. We shall see. But I do know that things are going to change. I've been putting it off for too long. And the people that don't like the changes will have to deal with it. But I know that if they are my true friends, they will accept me for whatever I decide to change.